13th of June
sadly I haven't had the sweetest sleep last night. my own head pressured me to fall asleep and that obviously wasn't helping. anyway. I was still very happy to wake up in my own room with a blue sky and just perfect weather in general. had to do the check out before 9.30, so half-sleep I got out of the seminario with shitty coffee in my hand.
Lies is waking up slowly so I'm going to park to just chill. getting hungry soon so I headed to that place we were yesterday but sadly they're not opened yet. Lies is on the way and I'm about to find out another place. we're taking coffee and some pastry away and sit on the stairs. first coffee according to my standards! y e s
Lies is leaving me soon. she wants to have some time for herself. we're saying goodbye and trying not to be dramatic about it (lol) i'm enjoying the sun for a few more minutes and then I'm heading to this bus station where I should go from (to the airport). checking the times and go back to the centre. having another coffee. i am dehydrated. very tired. and stressed. nothing new when I'm about to travel. plus Santiago is overcrowded today. got lost many times in those tiny little alleys. uff...i remember close to me is that place where I was with Andre. having an orange juice and toast with tomatoes. normally I would care about money. but i'm sick. starving. need something! still chose the cheapest option lol.
i'm buying another tobacco cause comparing to UK prices is just super cheap. yeah...priorities.
still haven't bought a bottle of water! i just couldn't go into those crowds again. can't go any further. behind the cathedral is like park and i noticed the silence so I'm going there and just laying in the sun for some time. well i got even more sick obviously. but i knew this is my last chance to experience this strong sun, so..
after some time I'm going for the sooner time of the bus. buying water! some fruits (tangerines - they are just insanely good, can't compare them to ours) and milka chocolate!! now its melted but I dun mind. then buying a mango cookie from some reason, which is giving me proper sugar rush. soon i'm in super packed bus and after like 50 minutes I'm at the airport. again I went thru controls sooner so i have plenty of time. having a proper headache the whole day and am just beyond exhausted. I'd happily skip this part of my adventures really.
dunno if i told you, but that lovely couple from Scotland - they're flying to Edi too! I am very lucky on this camino. having this sweet company. we're catching up cause we haven't seen each other from Caminha! which I know it's only few days but when it comes to camino it feels like ages and most of the time so many things happen thru the time we are not in touch. like my hair - I didn't realise they saw me with long hair the last time. surprise surprise
today i am not that anxious about flying. it's just such a pain in the ass really. also I was afraid they will notice the missing letter in my name I have on my board ticket or that my bacpack is bigger actually. again I am very lucky. lol
except the headache I feel alright, like i'm managing pretty good so far. just need to get some sleep. well I could get some now but instead of it i'm trying to capture my very last day of my camino.
actually i'd love to continue. continue to share my days with you. the best things is - it will keep me on track and be able to realise even small details of the day and you? you can read or totally ignore it. up to you of course (:
i just dun want to end up just going through all those days without noticing how I feel, who I meet, what I see, what a new idea I might have or...I dunno. i just want to be present and aware what's going on around and within.
also I called my mum for like a few minutes - well it was lovely to see her and hear her voice obviously - but i was like, you didn't say anything about my short hair. well obviously I knew why nobody said a word. I know that they love me and I guess respect what I decide to do but they're not totally on board (in their heads)
and according my mum's words I actually realise that I can be who ever I decide to be. I refuse to follow putting everything into boxes or follow 'norms' - i mean what are they?? you call something normal cause the society says so or your parents told you so. where are YOU in what do you actually think?
I am not upset. bit disappointed yes. cause when my mum - even if she's joking about it - says 'so you want to look like a boy?'
it hurts a bit. i mean just for a second. cause I am just following what I feel like doing - i felt the heaviness so I cut my hair - it's just a hair!!!
and to me it meant freedom - it is very liberating - to have short hair. yes, to even not wear make-up, wearing shorts, cap and shirt. is it too tomboy-ish, too gay or what? well I dun care. I feel free and that's all that matters. always it is too much of something I noticed. so you can't actually please your parents I'm afraid.
don't get me wrong - I love them - and obviously i don't care what other people think - as you can see, i'm cutting my hair, getting tattoos, piercings, jumping into the ocean, from the cliff, doing all sorts of stuff cause I am not afraid and whatever I feel - feel like doing - i'm following this very pure first sign of my inner voice - and this voice it's me - always - no matter what people think afterwards or what they say, really.
so yeah - I've been very feminine and I will be again. now I feel like wearing oversized stuff or i dunno - whatever I will just decide. I am still me. whether i feel like women or non-binary person. I don't even describe it. i am this free spirit for now. coming closer to my inner child - tiny little Tali. and i am loving it. so if you really care about me - respect who I am and if you really like me - lil Tali would appreciate nice ice-cream i'm sure. so let's hang out soon with whoever is reading it right now! let's have fun and eat some delicious ice cream
oh wow!! a steward just told me someone ordered vegan lasagna for me. and they brought me water. wow. i can't believe it really!! Thank you my two lovely human beings from the Camino/Scotland xxx i love you really!
It's actually my first food on the plane. I feel like a queen haha. also it will keep me going hopefully. i am beyond grateful. such a kind gesture xxxx
uff. the ending of flight was very painful. thought my ears gonna blow off. survived, said goodbye to Berle and went bus to the centre. freakin cold! freezing. even the air smells differently. finding bus station, waiting for the bus. got into the bus and heading to Newcastle. last part. fuck sake. just wanna be home, have a shower and get some sleep! then I'll be thinking about what to do next. or not. I'll be more like floating and existing first few days. getting use to different environment again. alien mode for a couple few days 👽👽👽👽